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OLDER

READS

RINGS

D-LAND

GUESTBOOK

My upcoming surgery is very minor, typically an outpatient procedure. I guess being diagnosed as "terminally ill" almost 15 years ago heightened my awareness of my own mortality, and things like surgery and blood clots...I don't know...just makes the Grim Reaper really breath down my neck. Not that I think I'm going to die. I dont. There are just times in my life that I am more acutely aware of human fragility, specifically my own, and this is one of those times.

These are the times when I am intently focused on the people I love. My boyfriend has noticed that I have been particulary attentive to him lately. I dream of my children when I'm not awake thinking of them. Then there's Fergie, who's gone and brought up old times.

I remember The Liar Fergie speaks of quite well. I also remember that the crazy bastard continued sending me Christmas cards for a couple of years after we uncerimoniously banished him from our prescence. Fergie didn't mention that after spending some quality time berating The Liar to his face in the living room, we retired to the bedroom to get ready to go to the club. It was a Friday, after all. If memory serves, when we were properly coiffed and emerged from the bedroom, The Liar was gone and that's when we began the ritual destruction of his Madonna vinyls. Fergie mentioned the accompaniment of White Zinfandel, which is correct. So, true to form, we arrived at the club drunk.

Fergie and I have shared a lot of good times over the years. Some of those times will, no doubt, show up in my journal or his. Some of them, however, are simple, yet sacred and will remain one of the invisible threads that forever binds us.

design by fergie

Bits of fire in the sky push me east back home. I used to live in flames but it's hard on the wings. Choke me. Smoke me. Scare me back. You try but you just can't. I peel the layers in my spare time, and you're easy to see through. I can fly, I've discovered on my own. I may be the lesser butterfly but my wings are just as strong. Who are you to tell me to find a place to land? I may be the lesser butterfly but baby watch me glide.